No that's just where I have ended up!

A long long way from where I'm from

I surprised he can show his face in public, I bet he gets teased mercilessly! Still, it's his choice to wear a Manchester United shirt

Life is hard. Yeah I have thought about it

I do have a fat ass

Hmmm, in the eyes of the very very few!

You do know a hairy one is illegal in Brazil don't you?

Damn you! Id show mine too if they looked like those!

Trannies are real but Santa, Leprechauns and your big tits are all surely fake! :}

Just for your interest, the music is Ca plane pour moi, by the Belgium artist Plastic (rubber) Bertrand. The song includes the line ""...a bu ma biere dans un grand verre en caoutchouc = there are condoms floating around

They don't really exist you know! Brazilians with a sense of humour that is

Should serve as a reminder to me to be a nice person. Just reminded me how good Supertramp were though

I see you've been educating yourself Wonks. It was only last year that you thought the Gaza strip was a poledance club

She's in her underwear handcuffed to a tree, that's your usual foreplay taken care of already!

Even at a budget $50 a go, that gives you less than 2 years to live, my condolences

You might hope so, but I'm thinking blush, swoon, hands behind back, raised heel, swivel your toe?

If they can get a spider out of the bath and open a jamjar for me then I'm saving up for one

I know! I need flogging

I'm like Herpes, will always come back

I hear she's now fucking someone with a big cock and a sense of humour now

He isn't dying, his wife is

Police were hiding around the corner, issued 29 speeding tickets on their way home

He said I was a disruptive member of the class

He refused me further lessons

Sounds like John Malkovich

Just sad, poor girl

I'm always suspicious now after I fell for the 'Sex instructor - first lesson free' trick advertised on some guy's tshirt. It turned out it wasn't free at all and I ended up paying $75 for it

Looks like a top of the range Recaro child seat too

Hold on a minute, I'm feeding him the Godamned lines! Speed is nothing without me - NOTHING!!!

Does it do stand-up?

I didnt say it will, I said it could - you produce Methanol which causes blindness. There are methods to get rid of the risk of course

Is it going to be about kittens? I hope so, I fucking hate kittens

I thought your fav was 'when chicks with dicks attack'???

Distillation is different to wine making. You can distil wine and turn it into Brandy - it's a dangerous process though as home made spirits can make you blind (google distil and blind). No need for a permit for fermenting your wine and beers

But does she have to be naked???

You know I love you but it's never going to work whilst you still bring your mother along on dates

Tarantino directs Toy Story 4

Aw I want a little butlet too, they sound cute

I could never swallow anything that big

That is all? Girls have nothing else to offer you?

Only tiny little ones though right? Those big, juicy, pert ones do nothing for you do they?

That's what I was told to do! Wait, that could have been for fighting

Doesn't always work out that way eh Speed, you and I are both equally bad at fighting and sucking dick

Well they won't forget it!

Ahem, ever wonder where the bands Lovin' spoonful and 10cc got their names from? I'll give you a clue, they're talking about the average amount of something

Brigitte Bardot!

Body language

Don't ask me, I just suck every cock put in front of me. I don't call it training though

Training involves more than just sucking every cock put in front of you you know

It's ok I charge by the minute, the loose change that fell out of your pocket will more than cover it

I thought of us as the h666 prom king & queen. You broke my heart man, I'm not even sure that you ever loved me

So you're the speed guy that everybody talks about?

They said they were going to stay until the water reached knee high. Trouble is Knee High was sat eating his lunch in the carpark

I like her, she has a sexy voice

People no longer go to the butcher for fresh bones

You're

Mine taught me how to spell 'their'

Oh hey that's just mean!

Bruce Lee looked badass even as a kid

Are these on all traffic lights? Are you fucking dumb! Do you walk around with your eyes closed!?

No to me she just looked like she had heard it all before

Why? a) You're a kind and giving person b) To reward them for their efforts c) You're a dirty slut d) All of the above

Negged by someone who didn't see the film!

It was confirmed when he turned up for the fight wearing his backpack

Yeah because all serving police officers deserve to die right?

There are worse places!

One of them has been in and out of jail I believe

I hate it when this happens to me

Do you know what my pussy smells like?

Come on - it was a FERRARI!

Got a bad feeling about this one. Looks like real tragedy. Must have been hard to watch, very sad indeed. Oh and I guess I should feel a bit sory for the driver as well as the Ferrari

If you do get on it - make sure you wear your helmet, it might well have saved this guy's life

Certainly somewhat to blame, not allowed to undertake over here

"Ok I'm starting to swing now... the punch will be along soon....... right, here it comes.......... get ready to duck....... just about there now....."

"What are the other 36 errors?" Ok I'll start with 1) Your choice of facial hair. 2) Your choice of dentist 3) Your decision to record yourself......

Yeah from what Ive heard, the hanging gardens of Babylon are "Not as good as I thought they would be"

No think of it more like this. Your friend has seen the Hanging gardens of Babylon, so he let's you know whether it's worth seeing or not

No but I can send reviews from those that have seen them if you want??

By the way, if you don't laugh at this - you're dead to me

Damn they even covered the top half of his face with his own pubes!